Intentionality–When Everyone Is Looking
My son and I were sitting in the car, just talking and enjoying the shelter we had from the brutal cold outside. We were waiting for my wife, who had gone inside the school to pick up my daughter. A woman came out first; I spied her in my rearview mirror. She came to her car, which we’d parked next to, and began to scrape the ice from its windows. She was struggling, and hadn’t turned her car on first to utilize the defroster–a big mistake.
“Wait here,” I told Liam. “I’m going to help her, and I’ll be right back.”
I hopped out of the car and finished clearing her windows while she started her car. It only took a moment, and when I came back around to open the door upon returning to my vehicle, I was greeted by my son, who was standing, giving me the “thumbs up” sign.
I opened the door.
”Good choice, Dad,” he said. “We’ve been learning at TruthWorks (a church program) about good choices, and that was a good choice.”
It was a simple thing to do, of course, and didn’t require much of my time or effort. In and of itself, it is not a memorable event. In terms of leadership, though, it is consequential because while it was a good deed endeavored, it was also a leadership opportunity missed.
My son was watching–how could he not have been? Yet I didn’t think of it until after the moment had passed. How much better could that moment have been if I had taken just a few seconds to explain why it was important for me to get out of the car and help, or, better yet, given him the option of coming with me? Sure, he got something valuable out of watching his dad do something for someone else, but too often we let others watch while we perform, and that is not the goal.
And so it is with leadership. We absolutely must be intentional not just about doing things, but, perhaps more importantly, about seeing things in a way that would enable us to pass leadership lessons and experiences on to others. Call it mentoring, development, or something else, but every moment, however small, we must see as an opportunity to lead, and to give someone else a chance to lead with us.
It is likely that my son will remember what he saw, and I am happy for that. Next time, though, I will ensure that he repeats it, because it will be his experience also.
That’s awesome that you’re son greeted your return with a thumbs up. I agree with your statement that we must be intentional about how we do/see things. If we simply do things through instinct or as a knee-jerk reaction we often fail to acknowledge our relations to others and to creation, and ultimately to the Creator.
I stumbled across your blog on tag surfer. I just started a blog to document my experience as a soon-to-be new dad. I look forward to returning.
http://www.ExpectantDad.wordpress.com
“too often we let others watch while we perform”
yes, this is a great insight & a much-needed reminder! it is so easy to slip into a kind of “lone ranger” leadership style that is essentially prideful, isolating, and not equipping others.
thanks!
I was reminded of a similar experience when I was in the parking lot of Lowe’s (home improvement store). An older lady was struggling to get out of her car on crutches. It would have been easy to hope that the man next to her in the parking lot would help her, as I was only there to “run-in” and get a gift certificate. However, noticing that she was not being assisted, I helped her get out of the car and to her feet. Then, she needed a cart (a riding cart). I went to ask an employee to help her with the cart, but they were less than helpful and less than concerned. So, I drove the electric cart out to her car, helped her into it and put her crutches in her trunk and walked beside her, as she slowly drove into the store! The point here was not that many people noticed that I helped her, but that SHE noticed. We can choose every day to be intentional in everything that we do; or, we can let the day and the people all around us, slip through our grasp. This is so true of leadership, parenting, friendship and life. Thanks for your blog post. I hope your son does remember what he saw…and when his son is that age, may he give his Dad a thumbs up too!
I, too, love the thumbs up from Liam. Way to go dad! However, I think you are being too harsh on yourself when you call it a “leadership opportunity missed.” We can always do more, but examples speak clearly. If you gained insight and your son gained perspective, nothing was lost and much was gained.
Well said. Often, we are enchanted with the notion that we’re good if we do things when NO ONE is looking. You helped me understand that the flip-side is needed just as much. I’m putting your site on the front page of mine. It’s too good not too. Peace!